By Your Side

I've started and restarted this blog at least five times now. It's 3:27 AM. I don't think I've ever had a high last this long before.

I've promised myself  that for the next 532 days, I will blog. Blog once a day. Blog about the new life that's bringing itself to my immediate attention. Blog about the many many ups that are to come. Blog about the challenges I will face. -I will face challenges and I'm constantly reminding myself that that's all right. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Nobody does, unless it's your third or fourth time. Maybe even then, you don't know. But I'm facing those challenges with open arms. 

Sort of.

Day 1:
I am a fianceé (just so you're aware, that is the correct spelling and form of the word fiancé . I got all technical and Googled it). And quite honestly, I can't stop staring at my ring. Is that normal? Or, common? I'll use common instead of normal. Nothing is normal.
I am 22-years-old and engaged. I will state that I feel like I'm lying to myself. Really? Engaged? Going to be a wife? Good god, when did this happen? When did I go from daydreaming about my first ever kiss to daydreaming about my first kiss as a wife? Should I be asking myself these questions? Should I be asking others? Should I be asking you?
Please don't mistake my ludicrous questioning for a lack of excitement because I am excited. I'm anxious. I am too fucking anxious. I am ridiculously anxious. Mostly ridiculous.
I suppose The Story is in order, right? Some background information to base all of this off of? Sure!

I met Andrew in July of 2007. Everything but love at first sight. Needless to say, through losing friends and betrayal and tears and kisses and so much love, we became an official couple on November 14th, 2007.

*Oh my god, how soon that date will have little to no meaning whatsoever.

I was an 18-year-old moron and he was a fresh 21-year-old. He was fantastic then and he's even more fantastic now. Is that possible? I'll make the comparison; he is literally like a fine wine that just gets better and better and better and better and better and better AND BETTER with age. I wouldn't know the wine end of things from experience, but I'll take your word for it.
This beautiful male stuck by my side through it all. With his patience and his kindness and his sense of humor. With his genuine attitude, his sleep-talk, his entire being. I am so lucky. I am so, so, so, lucky.

Today, or yesterday, was your average day. April 23rd to keep things clear. Your average day, not mine. My allergies have gotten the best of me and have left me with watery eyes, a stuffy nose, and a mucus filled esophagus. Andrew and I decided to venture out to the movie theatre to view Insidious. The movie was horrifying for your information. I would say it's a must-see for those who love the horror films. I would also say it's a must-not-see for those who still sleep with a nightlight. We ate Chipotle afterwards and he finished his burrito in 4.83 seconds while it took me 4.83 hours to finish 3/4 of mine. Looking back on it, he seemed distant during our entire outing. Not in a negative way but in a way you would view swans on a pond. You're there, but it's about the swans. How they swim, how they rest next to each other, their beauty.
Yes, I'm comparing myself to a swan. There's no other way to describe it. He was watching me eat and interested in everything I said. Never really sparking conversation but rather observing everything I said and did.
Man, how did I not notice?
Andrew suggested that we go to the lookout spot over Fountain Hills. You can view our entire city from there, along with the fountain and the pools and the McDowell mountains and the Four Peak mountains. Maybe if you tried hard enough, you could see the entire world. Everything kind of looked like this.
Although not feeling up to hiking a step or two to the top, I agreed. Everything just flowed together as I'm looking back on it. So, we got to the top and we sat on one of the wire benches. It was around 6:00 PM and the sun was setting behind the McDowell mountains, making shadows dance around our town. We chatted a little bit (I mean really, how am I just seeing this now? We're usually full of jokes and many exchanged words) and just sort of sat there as the fountain began to go up below us.
The next thing I saw was Andrew fumbling in his left jean pocket (pocket farthest away from me). Too many thoughts ran through my head:






*what is he trying to grab?
*his phone is in his other pocket, I can see the outline
*wow, he's really shaky
*is he doing what I think he's doing?
*did that really fit in his pocket?
*how long was that in his pocket?
*is that a box? What's the word for that special kind of box???
*he seems very nervous
*is he bending down on one knee? In the gravel?
*he's going to get dirty
*is he bending down on one knee?
*is he bending down on one knee?
*is he bending down on one knee???
*IS HE BENDING DOWN ON ONE KNEE??
*is he crying?
*is this really happening??
*did he just call me Breanna??
*IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING??
*omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg


He asked me to marry him all right. And I replied, in these exact words, "oh my god, is this really happening? Is this really happening? Oh my god, seriously?? Oh my god, really??"
And then I pulled him up and we hugged and embraced and he asked, "So is that a yes??"
And I felt like an idiot and I said, "YES OF COURSE!"
And then, with shaky shaky fingers, he slipped the ring on my finger. And we hugged again. Or maybe we never stopped hugging. 
I then told him that I thought I was going to puke. Because I really felt like I was going to. 



I can't believe that I have an engagement story.
And that it involves the word puke and insidious and maybe diarrhea.
I can't believe he really wants to marry me.
I can't believe how lucky I am. -How so fucking lucky I am.
I can't believe that I have this huge diamond ring on my finger.

I can't wait to start my life with Andrew...officially.

I should rejoin my sleeping beau. I'm finally sort of kind of a little bit tired. Such euphoria that I didn't know what naturally possible. I hope that everyone, some time in their life, gets to feel what I'm feeling right now.
Because it is great, it is so great.