I'm pretty observant. You know, observant of everything and most of the time I am very observant of myself. I notice the strip of hair I forgot to shave on my left leg and I notice the mascara spot I missed on my eyelid.
Being so observant, so unbelievably observant can be such a blessing and such a curse. Too bitter and most certainly too sweet.
Day Two:
And while it is only day two, I already am finding myself being a Narcissistic Nancy. For me, at least. All I can think about and all I talk about is wedding this, and wedding that. What I will wear and what I will decide and where I want things to go down and who I want to be there and so on and so forth. I mean, sure, that's reasonable. Right?
But I wonder. When will people grow sick of me as I have already observed myself becoming one to be ignored? Avoided? It's weird being on this level of me, me, me. But it's all about me. Me and Andrew.
And that's just something not only others are going to have to realize, but myself as well.
I've mapped out a game plan of sorts. Shit, if it was my way and I was Superwoman, I would want this whole shebang to be planned out, bought, rented, and adored for by the end of this week. But things like wedding obviously take time. Lots of time. Frankly, if you plan a wedding in less than a year, you are on some serious crack cocaine. If you're wedding takes more than a year to plan, you really must have some issues. Looking at it, either way, you're in trouble.
Well, I'm the "take a year and a half to plan" kind of fool. And I am perfectly okay with that. The more time, the absolute better.
Thus far, I have realized that starting a budget and getting a guest list in order is of most importance and really the first things I can really do. Also, planning the venue. Because I have found that gathering a guest list really determines my venue and if there is a venue I fall more in love with than I am with Andrew than that could determine my guest list. Today for instance, I wrote down a list of friends that I would consider inviting. These people consist of family friends (like Chelsea and Lily's mom and sister and babies) work friends, and plain old friends. I made to stay on top of my game and not to let my heart bleed too much, and I added up to 29 people. And if I assume they all bring a friend or lover or partner or gardener or whatever, that could total out to 58 people. And there goes one awesome effing venue I have in my mind right out the awesome effing window that was built into it. What about Andrew's mom's seven brothers and sisters? What about the fact that I have a mom, a dad, a step mom, three grandparents that all have their families who also have families? I know I could limit my friend list quite a bit since I put a question mark by a lot of their names, but the lovable Bre that's somewhere inside of me, wants everybody to be there. I don't know. Again, it's Day Two, I've got time to figure things out.
While trying to keep the women in my life involved; Mom, Wendy, and grandma, I am already running into complications. Mom tells me a lot of wonderful advice and Wendy tells me a lot of wonderful advice and so does my grandma.
But my mom has already been borderline too stern with me. Telling me I was wrong for wanting to do something a certain way. I can't even remember what it was, so it didn't affect me too much, clearly.
But Wendy has already gone against one of my popular beliefs: inviting people I KNOW. Not her best friends Margie and Christin. Like, really? After I had finished telling her that I don't want to waste the postage on the invite inviting people I have met briefly for six seconds in my entire life.
But grandma straight up told me that she hates my tattoos and really feels I should wear a dress with sleeves. Not long sleeves, but sleeves. Ouch. I knew she hated them but for her to openly say it, leaves much room for complications. Is she going to pout when we go dress shopping and I get a strapless dress? Or a halter dress? Or basically every dress on the planet that does not have long sleeves? She will be the bitter old hag I know she can act like. She is not a bitter old hag, but my god can that woman sure mimic one like no other.
I am already having second thoughts about putting my wedding help into their hands. I have three women who mostly agree on everything together, but at the same, don't.
This sparkly ring and the sparkly beautiful boy who will be coming home from work in less than an hour are keeping my spirits and my aura awfully high, but after talking to the ladies today and listening to what they had to say (I sort of did a lot of interrupting, I'm not used to that) and then finding out some borderline crappy news from work, the exhausted part of my body, that's just waiting to erupt (since I haven't really eaten since Satuday, nor have I slept) is seeping through the cracks of my skin.
It's Day Two, Bre. Only day two. You will change your mind a million times between now and October and a million people will try to convince you to do things their way whether fitting or not between now and October.
Hold tight to your beliefs, don't get discouraged, be patient, and have fun.
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